Be the Right Woman
Many single women claim that all the good men are taken or they are all married. At the same time, married women complain about how lousy they feel their husbands are. This confirms that there is no such thing as a perfect man. Or maybe there was one…
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, PERFECT!
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
Soon they were driving along, delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only ONE of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? THE PERFECT WOMAN of course!
Every woman knows there is NO Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a PERFECT MAN!!
Rather than focusing on finding the right man, a woman should focus on becoming the right woman herself. To be the right woman does not require one to be perfect or without flaws. It simply means to come to a place of maturity in our spiritual life, our character and in wisdom; especially in the area of handling and nurturing relationships. Ephesians 4:13 encourages us to come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man (or woman), to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.
And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
God knows that in order for us to be successful in our relationships, we need to gather wisdom and we need to operate within certain ground rules. So, what are the ground rules that God has set for us in a relationship? What wisdom has he given to us? Let’s take a look at some of them:
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
Does this mean that God is against the unbelievers? On the contrary. In fact, Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners. God wants us to come into a relationship where both the man and the woman live according the values of the Word of God and treat others according to how the Word encourages them to. They then can lean on God through the difficulties and struggles in a relationship which will cause them to be successful. Having the same value system in a relationship is vital to its success.
Colossians 3 :18
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Submission is not easy for anyone. It is especially difficult when you feel that you have not been treated the right way or the way you want to be treated. When this happens it does not excuse us from submitting to our husbands as commanded by God. However, when you find it difficult, remind yourself that you are doing it unto the Lord. By your obedience, you will please God and find favor with Him and ultimately with your husband.
“ For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts.
No matter the reasons for a divorce, God still hates the idea of separating a husband and a wife and the breakup of a family unit. Many couples, including Christian ones, enter into marriages with the option that if things do not work out, they can go their separate ways. I have even come across situations where people divorced because their marriages have become dull through time and they just got bored with each other! Hence, to ensure that we have successful relationships and marriages, we need to have the right expectations.
I read this somewhere: “Too many women grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in her heart is for a man’. To love a man, get married and then have children is thought to be the only script that will satisfy her heart’s deepest longing. But we know that no man, woman or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the Ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. “
So quit looking for the right man, instead let’s focus on being the right woman. Not just being the right woman for a man, but more than that, let us be the right woman for the King of all kings, our Lord Jesus Christ. Be a woman who uses her whole life to prepare for that moment to meet the King. A woman who is in love with the King that is to come for her. Be a woman that is betrothed first to God then to man.
The Pain of Preparation
Many women enter adulthood waiting to enter into marriage. Waiting has a connotation of passivity. Life is still fulfilling without marriage and we are not incomplete without a man. Rather, I like to use the word preparation. Preparation connotes a state of focus with a vision in mind. During the time of being single, a woman should see it as a time of preparation.
In this season of preparation, there are many challenges. I will like to briefly touch on some of them and how I overcame them.
Doubt of ever finding that special someone: First of all, we need to settle in our hearts that God cares for us and that He wants us to be happy. If I am not called to be single, then it is His will for me to be married. In days when I was really troubled, I meditated on this verse in Psalms 71:1 that says that those who trust in Him shall not be put to shame. Sometimes it is a struggle to find security but ultimately our trust and security must be in God and that He is a good God and a rewarder to those who seek Him!
Feeling of Loneliness: It is said that you can be in a crowded room and feel lonely or you can be alone but never lonely. As woman we have to learn to be comfortable with ourselves and in our own skin. This was something I learned along my journey. I knew I needed to be the latter because loneliness is not a physical issue but a soul issue. The man that you are going to marry cannot be with you every single hour but God can. Even if you can be with someone 24/7 what can you do with all that time? You will run out of things to do by the end of the week! I decided then to work on being happy alone with God and myself as a single person. Yes, if you are not happy being with yourself, no one can be happy being with you. In addition, I surrounded myself with friends who are happy people and who support my vision and my faith.
Temptations: There will always be opportunities to settle for less than God’s best and we can be tempted to jump at these opportunities. I discovered in my life that the best antidote for temptation is to have a vision for the kind of relationship you want to have and meditate on it regularly. If you have a clear idea of what you want, you will know what you do not want in a life partner. If you are still tempted, hear from the Word of God and flee from the temptation. Talk to a friend who can strengthen your faith in what you truly need and want.
Fantasy: Today’s television is flooded with dramas that sensationalize romance. From Hollywood’s Twilight to the never-ending love stories from Korea and Japan, the single women are bombarded with a world of love fantasies. These fictional portrayals of relationships can give a woman an idea of relationship that is not real. A woman can become unrealistic in her expectations and she can begin to live in a fantasy world that no man can live up to We need to be careful not to be influenced by such dramas that take us out of reality and objectivity and throw us into a world of fantasy.
Fantasy is defined as the faculty or activity of imagining things that are impossible or improbable. When we buy in into such a fantasy, it will create an unreal expectation of the kind of men we want to meet and the relationship we want to have. Avoid watching too much of these movies or television programs if you know that you are beginning to live in fantasy. Talk to someone that you feel safe with and ask her to hold you accountable in this area. Fantasy will hinder your potential of having a successful relationship with anyone and if you are currently in a relationship, it will destroy the intimacy in that relationship.
The above list is not exhaustive. If you are a lady in preparation and you are encountering challenges that is not addressed in this blog, please share with us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Finally, let us endure the pain of preparation for the joy that is set before us – the joy of receiving The Promise!
This is an awesome read Susan! Great sharing that she’d lights on how to live a single life right for the right reason and season.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good 🙂