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Christian Marriage – Part 3

DD-Twitter_Photo_edited1What does a man really want from a marriage? This question has been asked throughout the ages by women as well as by men themselves.

There have been numerous books, magazines and talk shows that have become popular by trying to answer this. For us to truly begin to understand the answer to this question, we need to go back to the beginning. In the Word of God, we get His perspective on marriage.

Genesis 2:18; 21-24 (NLT)

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

After creation God said it was not good for a man to be alone. He desired to make a “helper” that was just right for him! In v.24 we see that this explains why a man leaves his father and his mother and is joined to his wife- they are united into one.

For us to understand the purpose of marriage and what a man is truly looking for in a spouse, we need to understand this word – “helper”. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. He was not really alone as he had the animals and beautiful garden of Eden.

As we look into other versions of the Bible we get a better picture of the word helper. The Living Bible says, “a helper suited to his needs.” The New King James versions says, “a helper comparable to him”. The Bible in Contemporary Language says, “a helper, a companion”.

Clearly we see that God saw the need for man to have someone who was comparable- someone like him, someone suited to his needs to be his companion. What is God’s perspective on marriage? What is a man looking for in a marriage? It is companionship in a helper!

In a 2001 Gallup poll commissioned by the National Marriage Project, some 94% of men between 20 and 29 said they wanted to marry someone who, above all, could fulfill their emotional needs.

“They’re telling us that they want a psychological companion — someone who shares their aspirations and fits into their life in a spiritual way,” says Dr. Popenoe. “They’re not just looking for someone to change diapers and do dishes. They want a soul mate.”

In fact, the percentage of men now looking for a soul mate is virtually the same as that of women. “I don’t think this is something that was forced on men,” says Neil Clark Warren, a clinical psychologist who has researched thousands of couples. “I think it’s simply that men, like women, are looking for more meaning from life.”

What do men value most in a wife? When probing questions about married life, from their level or sexual satisfaction and thoughts on earning power to how much housework and child rearing they do.

Nearly 300 men responded to our online poll — teachers, engineers, electricians, mechanics and more, ranging in age from 25 to 67.

Here are the results:

What men say they value most about their wives:
“She understands and listens to me” 56%
“She’s a great mom to our kids” 39%
“She’s a great lover” 5%
 Out of the above group, 68% of men feel their wife is their soul mate while among those who didn’t feel they had a soul connection, 73% say they wish they did.
How husbands rank the roles their wives are best at:
“Being a dependable, loving partner” 43%
”Being a caring mother” 39%
“Contributing to the family income” 13%
“Being my lover” 5%
What men say is the most rewarding thing about being married:
“Knowing that my wife is always there for me emotionally” 43%
“Having someone to grow old with” 38%
“Being a father” 17%
“Knowing that my wife is always there for me sexually” 2%

There you have it! Whether we as men openly admit it or not, the main thing we are looking for most in a spouse is emotional support and companionship. Although men express their needs differently than women, meaning we may not say it openly; but we are still looking for support and encouragement.

In this highly competitive society that men live in, we need to feel like a “King” in our home. If a wife can learn to make a man feel this way, she will always be treated like the “Queen” she desires.Family-Photo-DD-

As men, we have this thing called an ego. An ego is a man’s self-esteem or self-image; feelings. It is how he sees himself.  If a man’s ego is bruised by his wife, he will shut her out. Through years of pastoral counseling I have seen that this has become a reality in many marriages and the marriages were over. The late Dr. Edwin Louis Cole said that a wife who continually nags at her husband becomes his mother and a man will not sleep with his mother! This statement is so true.
If the wife can become her husband’s greatest cheerleader and encourager, she will forever have his heart! As she fulfills the need every man has in his life to be loved, appreciated and supported the wife is fulfilling God’s purpose for her as the “helper”.

I saw this on the net and totally agree with it! Hope this is helpful to all the women of wisdom (WOW) out there

Ten commandments for wives in a marriage:

  1. Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1)
  2. Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about “the one that could have been”. (Prov 14:1)
  3. Thou shalt not nag…hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19)
  4. Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5)
  5. Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14)
  6. Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4)
  7. Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9)
  8. Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11)
  9. Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33)
  10. Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16)


Derek Dunn



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