I started dating when I was 12 years old. It may seem like a foolish thing to say now but my independent and rebellious streak lead me into a series of relationships that caused my heart to be broken time and again.
Disappointed and betrayed, I opened my heart to Jesus and cried out to God when I was at my lowest point after being rejected in the face by the man I had secretly been in love with for four years.
We were friends in college and I had done my best to be there for him, hoping he would feel my sincerity and perhaps fall in love with me. But all of that hope amounted to nothing when he simply told me that he would never have any romantic feelings for me.
The pain and disappointment was so great that I asked God, whom I did not know personally at that time, to take away the pain as I did not want to waste another four years of my life to forget the agony.
And when I woke up the next day, I remembered the incident but there was no stinging pain or sadness in my heart. I knew someone out there heard my prayers and I agreed to go to church the following week with my friend and accepted Jesus Christ into my life.
I thought my relationship challenges were over and I could have a simple life. In 1999, not long after I became a Christian, I met up with one of my childhood friends and we reconnected. He courted me and I was thrilled to be pursued once again, especially having suffered a major rejection not too long ago. I invited him to City Harvest Church and he came along gladly. He came to church not because he wanted to know God but because he wanted to be around me.
We began a “secret” relationship where we would act like regular cell group members in church but dated like a couple when no one was around. This double lifestyle went on for a while and I was feeling more miserable as the days passed. After a few months, the guilt was overbearing and I decided to confide in my cell group leader. He was shocked and disappointed and in that moment, I also realized that I had let God down.
I decided to end the relationship and went on a two-year singlehood vow so I could focus on building my relationship with God. I realized that I have been seeking for love in the wrong places that led to a broken heart and withered self-esteem. In that journey that I took with God, I developed a faith that God truly loves me and will provide the best for me.
In 2000, when I was still on vow, I got to know my husband – Ryan. He is 8 years older than me and at that time, he was my cell group member’s boss. Frankly speaking, I did not harbor any thoughts of us getting together because I was on a vow and my parents were also 8 years apart but they did not have a happy marriage.
I did not realize subconsciously I have rejected him because of the age gap until my cell group leader spoke faith into our relationship and that God being the center of our marriage will make everything work.
We built our friendship for one year and when I completed my vow, we got together. And after dating for 8 months, we registered our marriage and subsequently held our church wedding in 2003.
But he has proven to be an even stronger person through his Christ-likeness in the way he takes great care of the family and this marriage. I really feel very blessed by God, as Ryan is one of the greatest blessings God has given to me all these years.
Therefore, I truly agree with what Susan has shared on “God is my Matchmaker” because I have been through similar seasons. There must be a period of prayer and consecration towards God, followed by a period of preparing ourselves.
We need to keep on believing in Him and proclaiming His promises (for me, the promise I kept proclaiming was Matthew 6:33) and indeed He will give us the PRIZE – the man who loves you as who you are; the man who can take care of you and the man who can complement you to achieve greater things in life.
“When you seek first the Kingdom of God and all his righteousness; everything you need WILL BE ADDED BACK to you.” Matthew 6:33